Aside from the feeding of the teenager’s dates, the other major eye opener for a new dad of multiple kids is the food bills. How can a 3 year old eat four times her body weight in one sitting? How can the 5 year old eat ten meals a day and put four times his body weight in his mouth at each bite? Why does the 7 year old eat like he has a shovel for a spoon and a thimble for a mouth? Why won’t the teenager ever eat around the other kids?
I don’t have answers to the first few questions, but the last one? It doesn’t take a Phi Beta Kappa to figure that one out. The most disgusting thing you will ever see at my house is feeding time. The three little ones have the table manners of Neanderthals wearing boxing gloves. Whatever you do, don’t get anywhere near the table at mealtime or you may just lose an arm. Thankfully, these little guys want to eat cheap stuff like fish sticks and tater tots. Otherwise, I would be broke on food bills within three days. In my entire life, I have never seen more groceries consumed by fewer folks in such a short period of time, and I was in the Army!!
After one such feeding frenzy, my wife deposited the remnants of a hotdog into the dog’s dish. She barely had a chance to turn around before she heard the dog growling and the 3 year old yelling, “NO, IT’S MINE!!!” Yes, you guessed it, the dog and the 3 year old were about to fight over the leftover hotdog in the poor mutt’s dish. Do we feed them? Constantly!! Did she want the hotdog when it was on her plate? No!! Did she want it when there was a chance someone or something else may eat it? Yes!! Why? Who in the hell knows!!!
The 5 year old constantly runs his mouth, yet for some reason he can’t seem to fill it with food. His problem is that he will insert all of the food from his plate into his mouth at the same time, and then chew it up. With him, “see food” has a whole new meaning. I can only guess it is part of his Godzilla persona, and no amount of training, discussion, threats or cajoling can change it. We are now considering just letting him eat outdoors. The 7 year old is the only one with anything resembling manners, but for some reason in spite of his “etiquette” he still wears more food than he eats. At my house it takes a real strong stomach to sit through a meal. By the way, the dog has been missing ever since that night confrontation with the 3 year old, you don’t suppose ?................ (Yes, we eventually found the dog, he was cowering a dark corner, afraid that the 3 year old would bite him again!) ~ Michael S. Pauley
I don’t have answers to the first few questions, but the last one? It doesn’t take a Phi Beta Kappa to figure that one out. The most disgusting thing you will ever see at my house is feeding time. The three little ones have the table manners of Neanderthals wearing boxing gloves. Whatever you do, don’t get anywhere near the table at mealtime or you may just lose an arm. Thankfully, these little guys want to eat cheap stuff like fish sticks and tater tots. Otherwise, I would be broke on food bills within three days. In my entire life, I have never seen more groceries consumed by fewer folks in such a short period of time, and I was in the Army!!
After one such feeding frenzy, my wife deposited the remnants of a hotdog into the dog’s dish. She barely had a chance to turn around before she heard the dog growling and the 3 year old yelling, “NO, IT’S MINE!!!” Yes, you guessed it, the dog and the 3 year old were about to fight over the leftover hotdog in the poor mutt’s dish. Do we feed them? Constantly!! Did she want the hotdog when it was on her plate? No!! Did she want it when there was a chance someone or something else may eat it? Yes!! Why? Who in the hell knows!!!
The 5 year old constantly runs his mouth, yet for some reason he can’t seem to fill it with food. His problem is that he will insert all of the food from his plate into his mouth at the same time, and then chew it up. With him, “see food” has a whole new meaning. I can only guess it is part of his Godzilla persona, and no amount of training, discussion, threats or cajoling can change it. We are now considering just letting him eat outdoors. The 7 year old is the only one with anything resembling manners, but for some reason in spite of his “etiquette” he still wears more food than he eats. At my house it takes a real strong stomach to sit through a meal. By the way, the dog has been missing ever since that night confrontation with the 3 year old, you don’t suppose ?................ (Yes, we eventually found the dog, he was cowering a dark corner, afraid that the 3 year old would bite him again!) ~ Michael S. Pauley
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