There is nothing funnier to a parent than to hear a younger couple utter their own self curse. You know, the one where they look down their nose at you and your brood and utter the fateful words: “We’d never let a kid of ours do that......!” Hah, you think. You poor dumb fools. Delusion is wonderful, for without it, nobody would ever have kids. Whenever I hear someone say that laughable phrase, I just step back and howl. The last time I encountered this was with some friends who were older than us and just married. Neither had children, and then at the ripe old age of their mid-thirties, they were presented with what could best be described as “Damien.” At the advanced age of 3, this child already had an arrest record for reckless driving.
I personally believe there was a bottle involved, but apparently the arresting officer didn’t notice it because it was made by Gerber. It seems that mommy left the mini-van running with the child in the car seat long enough to run in the house to grab her previously forgotten shopping list. “Stupid,” you say? “I would never do that,” you say? Well, regardless of what you say, she did it. Of course, she would never let her kid do it, but he did!
After snaking out of the car seat with the ease of a double jointed monkey, he placed the mini-van into drive. Now this was before the “press the brake to get it in gear” modification was required by Detroit, but even now with a new vehicle I honestly believe this child would have found a way. As the child placed the van in gear, Mom returned to the garage. Imagine her surprise as she re-entered the garage just in time to watch her vehicle move in reverse, through the garage door, across the street, and into the neighbor’s yard. Imagine further her screams at watching a driver-less mini-van enter warp drive with her child, she believes, firmly secured in the back seat. Finally, imagine her joyous thrill at noticing that the mini-van is now firmly imbedded in the neighbor’s front porch, with her laughing toddler at the wheel.
This all took place in a blink. She went inside to grab the list and to this day figures her total time out of sight of the child at somewhere well less than a minute. However, just a few years earlier she noted for me how she would never let her kids out of her control. Was I sympathetic of her plight? Yes, after all, fixing a mini-van and a neighbor’s porch isn’t cheap. Was I amused at her folly? You bet, besides it is an almost sick enjoyment to see someone be so wrong after making fun of you. Of course, this leads us to one of the basic rules of raising children, which our friend apparently forgot. This Rule? Never, ever, turn your back. Not even for a second, much less almost a full minute!
Personally, it would be more rewarding to think that maybe she learned a lesson. Unfortunately, I am sure she didn’t, because while our children are heathens, her wonderful little “Damien” is just precocious and will eventually make a wonderful engineer. I must partially agree, since I believe that some engineers should never be around people, and God knows this kid shouldn’t be either. When young “Damien” flings things against the wall he is being artistic, when my 3 year old throws something against the wall we are lucky when it doesn’t stick. Such is the difference with parenting styles and perspective. Her child will continue to destroy for the sake of destruction, ours, well, ours will destroy out of good clean sport. Out of control? I guess for me the real question is: Were we ever really in control? ~ Michael S. Pauley
I personally believe there was a bottle involved, but apparently the arresting officer didn’t notice it because it was made by Gerber. It seems that mommy left the mini-van running with the child in the car seat long enough to run in the house to grab her previously forgotten shopping list. “Stupid,” you say? “I would never do that,” you say? Well, regardless of what you say, she did it. Of course, she would never let her kid do it, but he did!
After snaking out of the car seat with the ease of a double jointed monkey, he placed the mini-van into drive. Now this was before the “press the brake to get it in gear” modification was required by Detroit, but even now with a new vehicle I honestly believe this child would have found a way. As the child placed the van in gear, Mom returned to the garage. Imagine her surprise as she re-entered the garage just in time to watch her vehicle move in reverse, through the garage door, across the street, and into the neighbor’s yard. Imagine further her screams at watching a driver-less mini-van enter warp drive with her child, she believes, firmly secured in the back seat. Finally, imagine her joyous thrill at noticing that the mini-van is now firmly imbedded in the neighbor’s front porch, with her laughing toddler at the wheel.
This all took place in a blink. She went inside to grab the list and to this day figures her total time out of sight of the child at somewhere well less than a minute. However, just a few years earlier she noted for me how she would never let her kids out of her control. Was I sympathetic of her plight? Yes, after all, fixing a mini-van and a neighbor’s porch isn’t cheap. Was I amused at her folly? You bet, besides it is an almost sick enjoyment to see someone be so wrong after making fun of you. Of course, this leads us to one of the basic rules of raising children, which our friend apparently forgot. This Rule? Never, ever, turn your back. Not even for a second, much less almost a full minute!
Personally, it would be more rewarding to think that maybe she learned a lesson. Unfortunately, I am sure she didn’t, because while our children are heathens, her wonderful little “Damien” is just precocious and will eventually make a wonderful engineer. I must partially agree, since I believe that some engineers should never be around people, and God knows this kid shouldn’t be either. When young “Damien” flings things against the wall he is being artistic, when my 3 year old throws something against the wall we are lucky when it doesn’t stick. Such is the difference with parenting styles and perspective. Her child will continue to destroy for the sake of destruction, ours, well, ours will destroy out of good clean sport. Out of control? I guess for me the real question is: Were we ever really in control? ~ Michael S. Pauley
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